Without Darry
by Seselian
Summary: What would happen to Soda and Pony if Darry died? Mostly about Pony, I think, at least so far.


**Woo Hoo.. It's a new story from Seselian. Uh oh.. This one is sad, fairly morbid sometimes, depressing, and so on. Or at least this chapter. I think it'll get nicer. I mean, They're never gonna move out to the country and dance with the bunnyrabbits in a field full of wildflowers or anything. But I think it'll get a bit happier. I'll see. R and R? Pleez?**  
  
I heard the phone ring and yelled at Two-bit to get it and when he picked it up I knew right away by his expression that something was wrong. Two-bit could be told that the Socs burnt his house down and still be grinning but as he listened, the look on his face sure scared me.  
  
"Ponyboy," he said softly, looking at me, "Go get Sodapop, wouldya?"  
  
"What happened?" I started to ask, but the look on his face stopped me.  
  
I poked my head into the kitchen. Soda was making a chocolate cake, humming Elvis to himself as he put in two much sugar.  
  
"Hey, Pony, what's wrong?' he asked, seeing the look on my face.  
  
"I. I don't know," I said. "Look, just." I trailed off and motioned for him to follow me.  
  
I was scared to death of what might have happened. When Mom and Dad had died, we got a call just like this. I felt like I was floating back to the living room. The man on the telephone's voice reached my ear through a haze. I already knew what he was going to say. I already knew Dally had been killed, just like Mom and Dad. Soda was crying, I think, but I was sort of asleep, it was kind of weird, but I didn't feel like I was me anymore. I wasn't Pony, and Darry wasn't dead, because I didn't even know a Darry and then I don't remember anything else.  
  
***  
  
I ground out my cigarette and lit another one. I'd been smoking a lot lately. I was laying on my bed staring at my feet, wondering why they didn't have any socks on them, and then I remembered that no one was doing laundry anymore. We were all smoking cigarettes. Packs of them, the whole gang, just sitting around in muted silence, not wanted to talk to each other about anything, so we stuck cigarettes in our mouths and tried to see who could smoke five packs a day.  
  
Darry's funeral had been today. All of us went, it was like a movie, it was just like Mom and Dad's or Johnny's and Dally's funeral, only without Darry and there only being one coffin.  
  
I sighed and got up, wandering aimlessly down the hall toward the sound of the TV. Everyone was sitting in the living room. They were pretending to watch TV, but it was some program about the Beatles and we all hate the Beatles, so I guess it was just something to do. I sat down in a chair, and when I realized it was Darry's old chair I almost started to cry again but I was too tired.  
  
I'd been having the nightmares again. Every night since Darry died I've had one. It takes me all night to get back to sleep. Soda's worried about me but he doesn't even know how to help himself, he just sits there, watching Mickey Mouse or The News or anything that's on TV without really seeing it.  
  
When Mom and Dad died, he'd draw these pictures of them and then tear them to little shreds after he was done. I don't think Darry even knew- Soda had done it alone, but a few weeks ago I'd found the box full of the pieces under our bed and he'd told me.  
  
I stood up and went out the door, because I felt like I'd go crazy if I stayed in there much longer.  
  
Two-bit looked at me as I got up but then he just turned back to the TV screen. Soda didn't even flinch when I slammed the door- I don't think he heard it.  
  
Once I was out on the sidewalk, I didn't really know where I wanted to go, but it felt good to get out of the house. I started running and didn't stop until I had to.  
  
It was getting dark, and I wasn't even sure where I was. I shivered and pulled my jean jacket tighter around me. Those things really aren't very warm- most of us greasers only wear them to look tough.  
  
I knew I was in a Soc neighborhood- the houses were big and the cars were tuff, but beyond that, I really had no idea where I was. Our town isn't huge, but it's not real small either, and there were places I'd never been to.  
  
I was thinking about just running some more until I found a place I did recognize when I saw a Soc come up behind me, and another step out from behind a tree and a couple more get out of a car that was parked on the street.  
  
"Grease?" one of them said. "What the hell you doing here, greaser?"  
  
I don't really think this is fair, this week, dumping all this on someone at once, I thought, strangely, wondering where the guy in front of me had got his hair cut. Hoping he didn't pay much for it. I stopped wondering abruptly as someone pushed me in the car.  
  
I could feel them punching me, but it didn't really hurt that bad after a while. This wasn't so bad. so long as they didn't kill me, I'd live. I half laughed at the obviousness of that thought, and the Soc who was punching me looked down at me oddly.  
  
"I think the kid's nuts," he said. "Or drunk or something. I'm beating the crap out of him and he's laughing!"  
  
"Who are you, grease?" another one asked.  
  
I shrugged. To be honest, I was about to pass out and I really couldn't remember. "P... P... Ponyboy." Yeah, that was it.  
  
"Curtis?" another asked.  
  
I nodded, which made me dizzy, and wondered how many other Ponyboys there could be in the world, but I didn't say anything.  
  
The Soc who was driving cussed, and stopped the car. "Randy'll kill us," he said. "Get out, grease, and don't you ever tell anyone who we are."  
  
I got out, vaguely wondering how I could say who they were when I didn't know their names, but I didn't figure now was the time to ask. They drove off, leaving me standing in another Soc neighborhood that looked vaguely familiar, but not enough for me to get back home.  
  
I was wondering if I should just crawl under a bush and go to sleep- I was about to be sick, and I was getting that sort of floaty feeling you get when you're about to pass out- but I didn't see any bushes around.  
  
I tried to figure out where the train tracks were, but I was so disoriented by now I couldn't remember. I started walking in the direction that I was already pointing- I was too lost to know which way was even the general direction of home by now.  
  
I'd been walking for about a half an hour when I finally saw the park. It was almost exactly like last time, with Johnny, I thought, climbing to the top of the jungle gym.  
  
Soda would kill me, what with me being out this late and him being under all that stress already. I wished I had a watch- It was probably about ten o' clock now, so it wasn't really that late, but I hadn't said I was going anywhere. I sighed and climbed back down, jumping the last two feet and sinking into a couple inches of those little pebbles they put on playgrounds. I needed to get home.  
  
When I got back to the house, there were no lights on. Soda was sitting on the couch in the dark, staring at nothing. I came in and he got up. The old Soda would have bounced. He didn't say anything, he just hugged me, and went upstairs to bed.  
  
  
  
**Well, It should get more cheerful. But I guess not that much better. I don't know. Review and tell me what you think. But right now, I am going to bed ~yawn~** 


End file.
